Where it all started

I've always been a worrier. When I was just a little girl of seven or eight my mother told me never to swallow nail varnish or nail varnish remover as it could cause me to become extremely poorly, so when I was painting my nails and a little bit of varnish splashed onto my bottom lip, I ran downstairs and told my mum to take me to hospital as I was about to become gravely ill. When I stayed at my dad's house at the weekends I would ask him to stay with me until I was asleep, just in case something happened in my unfamiliar room and I needed him. When I watched my older brother suffer with serious salmonella in hospital, I suspected my own stomach bugs were just as serious for years afterwards. Hives popped up all over my body when I started university, I treated every rash, lump or bump with suspicion and am all too familiar with the horrible suffocating feeling panic attacks can bring. Any signs of illness, any cross words spoken to or around me and any significant life changes would result in tears, sleepless nights and stomach upsets. I sound like a right barrel of laughs, don't I? Well actually I am (or at least I can be)! I have a wonderful family, fantastic friends and a  lovely boyfriend as well as a career I enjoy and lots of hobbies. But unfortunately I'm plagued by feelings of anxiety, as I have been on and off throughout my life. It doesn’t seem to matter if I’m at home, at work or out with friends, at any time those pesky anxiety symptoms could strike. For me they include: feeling like I can’t breathe, feeling as though I cannot get a satisfying breath, feeling as though I can’t swallow, feelings of fear and dread, dizziness, palpitations, hives, sweating, feeling sick, having an upset stomach and an inability to focus on anything other than how I’m feeling. Does any of this sound familiar to you? If your answer is yes then I’m sure, like me, you have tried to make yourself feel better and even attempted to rid yourself of anxiety for good. There are dozens of websites, books and therapists out there offering advice and it can be overwhelming knowing where to start. Anxiety (and the low mood that often comes with it) can also be a very difficult thing to talk about which can make seeking help seem an impossible task.

I’ve tried in-person CBT, guided self-help using CBT methods, I’ve read self-help guides from CBT, Human Givens and NLP perspectives and I’ve even tried meditation. However, I’m still not free from generalised anxiety, panic and health anxiety and I know there are many people out there who are the same. That’s why I’ve decided to start The Anxiety Project. I’m going to keep researching and trying different methods to beat my anxiety disorders and report back on here my findings in the hope that I might be able to help others while helping myself.