Alcohol

With the weekend fast approaching I thought I'd do a post about good old alcohol. Alcohol can be the anxiety sufferers best friend and worst enemy, as I'm sure you're already aware. A few glasses of my favourite Sauvigon Blanc can make me feel wonderful. I feel I'm slowly slipping into a bath of warm water that washes over me, causing sounds to become quieter, further away and less harsh. My feelings towards the world around me and the people in it become warmer, softer somehow and I'm much more at ease when it comes to chatting to new people. I'm filled with a new sense of confidence and purpose: 'of course I can talk to these new people' 'of course I'm going to hit the dance floor' 'tomorrow I'm going to start writing that book/apply for that job/phone that old friend.' I come home at the end of a wine-fuelled evening feeling happy and satisfied and slip into a deep, blissful sleep.

Then it really kicks off. At approximately 4 am I awaken, I feel restless, my heart is beating more quickly, I can't seem to get a satisfying breath and I certainly can't get back to sleep. What's gone wrong? Where's the confident, 'can do' girl from yesterday evening? I realise that she's gone and won't be back until next weekend. I will have to battle with these intense feelings of anxiety for possibly the next couple of days*, I'll recover of course and will be feeling quite alright again by next weekend when I'll start the cycle all over again...

Well not this weekend, my friends! After a slightly daunting social scenario last weekend, involving lots of 'dutch courage' in the form of red wine, I have suffered hideously with anxiety for a few days and this has inspired my first anxiety-busting experiment of this blog. Tonight I will be attending a birthday meal and drinks session with a group of people I don't know all too well and tomorrow I will be visiting an old friend for the night. Both are scenarios where I would usually certainly be considering having some wines. However, I will try my best not to give in, to stick to the orange juice and see if my anxiety improves after a break from the hard stuff. Wish me luck!


*If you'd like to read a little more on the actual scientific side of why alcohol can ultimately do the opposite of relaxing you then I highly recommend 'Overcoming Anxiety' which is available on Amazon. In fact I'd recommend it anyway as it gives a great insight into why our bodies are putting us through so much!

Where it all started

I've always been a worrier. When I was just a little girl of seven or eight my mother told me never to swallow nail varnish or nail varnish remover as it could cause me to become extremely poorly, so when I was painting my nails and a little bit of varnish splashed onto my bottom lip, I ran downstairs and told my mum to take me to hospital as I was about to become gravely ill. When I stayed at my dad's house at the weekends I would ask him to stay with me until I was asleep, just in case something happened in my unfamiliar room and I needed him. When I watched my older brother suffer with serious salmonella in hospital, I suspected my own stomach bugs were just as serious for years afterwards. Hives popped up all over my body when I started university, I treated every rash, lump or bump with suspicion and am all too familiar with the horrible suffocating feeling panic attacks can bring. Any signs of illness, any cross words spoken to or around me and any significant life changes would result in tears, sleepless nights and stomach upsets. I sound like a right barrel of laughs, don't I? Well actually I am (or at least I can be)! I have a wonderful family, fantastic friends and a  lovely boyfriend as well as a career I enjoy and lots of hobbies. But unfortunately I'm plagued by feelings of anxiety, as I have been on and off throughout my life. It doesn’t seem to matter if I’m at home, at work or out with friends, at any time those pesky anxiety symptoms could strike. For me they include: feeling like I can’t breathe, feeling as though I cannot get a satisfying breath, feeling as though I can’t swallow, feelings of fear and dread, dizziness, palpitations, hives, sweating, feeling sick, having an upset stomach and an inability to focus on anything other than how I’m feeling. Does any of this sound familiar to you? If your answer is yes then I’m sure, like me, you have tried to make yourself feel better and even attempted to rid yourself of anxiety for good. There are dozens of websites, books and therapists out there offering advice and it can be overwhelming knowing where to start. Anxiety (and the low mood that often comes with it) can also be a very difficult thing to talk about which can make seeking help seem an impossible task.

I’ve tried in-person CBT, guided self-help using CBT methods, I’ve read self-help guides from CBT, Human Givens and NLP perspectives and I’ve even tried meditation. However, I’m still not free from generalised anxiety, panic and health anxiety and I know there are many people out there who are the same. That’s why I’ve decided to start The Anxiety Project. I’m going to keep researching and trying different methods to beat my anxiety disorders and report back on here my findings in the hope that I might be able to help others while helping myself.