Health Anxiety

When I was three years old I was on a family holiday when I became seriously ill. I was flown home and admitted to hospital where the medical staff tried to figure out what exactly was wrong with me. My parents were warned that I may not recover and by the sounds of their accounts (I don't remember much) it was a pretty scary time. I have some vague memories of being stripped of my clothing due to my soaring temperature, cold baths for the same reason, horrible medicine and scary X-rays. Even though I'm now an adult my few memories are just as frightening and confusing as they were when they occurred. Even though I fully recovered and feel extremely lucky, I hardly ever think about it now but I'm convinced that this was what started my health anxiety. I've always worried that I'm weak, that I get sick easily and that I wouldn't be able to cope if I did become ill. I also tend to worry about any symptoms I might possibly have and seek reassurance from others as well as look up these symptoms online. Classic health anxiety behaviours, or so I've been told during my over the phone 'guided self-help' that I was offered this year after a few trips to the GP.

So what have I learnt in all these years of healthy anxiety? Well first of all I'm from a medical family (three drs and a nurse in my immediate family) which is a blessing and a curse. Great when there IS something wrong and they can offer advice on how to treat it, not so great when I've been told by a therapist that I must not seek reassurance in order to get over my health anxiety - sending a text or phoning one of these relatives is all too easy. But one plus I have noted is that there are SO many illnesses out there (bear with me!) and us H.A sufferers tend to believe that we are suffering from the very worst of these, but in actual fact due to the huge range of causes for physical symptoms (anxiety very much included) the probability that we are correct is actually pretty low.

 Which brings me to my next point; rational thinking. Anxiety is an emotional response and it does not discriminate between life threatening situations and stressful work scenarios (for example) and so we must engage our rational minds as much as possible in order to recover from health, or indeed any other, anxiety. A friend of mine, who works in mental health, once told me that I must 'take my feelings to court', I must think of evidence for and against my theories and I find this very useful, I often write my evidence down in two columns and review them when the feelings start to come back. I also try to stick to an 'innocent until proven guilty' policy with all of my symptoms, rather than immediately suspecting they are something sinister. 

I know this seems like an obvious one but I also try to look after my health as much as possible. Exercising (I'm no gym bunny and I loathe sports but regular walks, house work and even dancing around the house to my favourite songs when no one's in seem to do the trick) and eating well will make you feel a lot better. The exercise will use up some of the excess adrenaline that anxiety gives us and cutting down on sugar and caffeine can reduce any jittery feelings. Plus, I know they don't taste as good as a Wispa but eating plenty of fruit and vegetables really can make you feel a lot better and help keeps things nice and regular (not the most glamorous point but anxiety can play havoc with that kind of thing!).

Lastly, and then I promise will finish this enormous essay, acceptance is key. Yes, we might become ill and yes there is certainly no 'might' about us all dying some day. But what can we really do about it? Nothing! No, that's not true. We can make the bloody most of life and do our best not to worry too much. I know it's easier said than done, but just try these things and see how you feel: 

• Wake up every morning and smile because you're alive and well! 
• Tell yourself everyday how strong you are, anxiety is not an easy thing to live with and you're doing it - don't underestimate what an achievement that is. 
• Take some time out (everyday if you can) and do something just for you. Whether it's painting your nails, having a bubble bath or reading a book, everyone needs some time to relax and it will help you cope better for the rest of the day. 

If health anxiety is a real problem for you I would obviously recommend seeing your GP for further advice and also reading 'Overcoming Health Anxiety' which is available on Amazon. 

Do you have any tips on this problem? I'd love to hear them! 

Update

So, last time I posted on here I said I was going to resist alcohol to see how I felt... do you want me to be completely honest? I failed! I went back to my university city, felt nostalgic and eager to visit my old (pretty boozy) haunts and my friend and I had a few wines. This wasn't a total fail however as I still learnt something about my anxiety and how alcohol can impact it. Firstly, I felt zero anxiety the next day. None whatsoever. Now that is pretty rare for me, especially after drinking, but I have a theory on why this happened. I was with my best friend who is also an anxiety sufferer and who I trust implicitly and so I really feel I can relax when I'm around her. I was also in my 'happy place', the city I attended university which makes me feel pretty secure as it's so familiar and holds many happy memories. I spent the following day having Sunday lunch and chatting away to my friend so I didn't have the anxious worries about what I may or may not have done or said the night before in front of people I don't know too well or the time alone to worry about the physical symptoms of lack of sleep and dehydration which normally come hand in hand with a night out. So, what I'm getting at is; alcohol can definitely have a bad effect on you as shown in my previous post however the general circumstances at the time of the drinking have a definite impact on how bad this effect can be. This probably seems obvious to so many people and looking back I can remember other scenarios like this, but sometimes when we (or certainly I!) become anxious our minds can become clouded and it's difficult to remember times when we have been OK and to remember that it really is mind over matter. If I'm having a good day, alcohol will only make me happier (to a certain extent I hastened to add!) and if I'm feeling bad it will exaggerate that. So in conclusion, I think if you feel bad sometimes it's really tempting to drown your sorrows, but don't! The problems will still be there when you wake up the next morning and they will be made worse by uncomfortable physical symptoms resulting in more anxiety. Equally, if you're feeling happy and relaxed, go ahead and have a glass of wine or two if you fancy it, chances are if you're in a good place to begin with it won't effect you negatively. This is just my opinion though and only you know how you react to certain anxiety triggers and when.

On a separate note, I have a new job! I start this month and while I am excited for a new challenge and to get to know a new group of people, I can already feel myself becoming anxious. I'm sure starting a new job is stressful for a lot of people and especially anxiety sufferers so I'm trying to just bear that in mind and make sure that I do as much as I can to prepare before I start to ensure as smooth a transition as possible. I've also thought that it's a great topic to discuss on this blog as like I said I'm sure lots of you will have felt this way before! Before I start my new job in a couple of weeks however, I'm going to write a post on my ultimate nemesis: Health Anxiety. I've already alluded to it in my previous post, however I'd like to take a more in depth look at possible causes and mention some of my findings when trying to recover from Health Anxiety.

Do you have any experiences relating to any of the above that you'd like to share? I'd love to hear about your experiences and any advice you have!

X

Alcohol

With the weekend fast approaching I thought I'd do a post about good old alcohol. Alcohol can be the anxiety sufferers best friend and worst enemy, as I'm sure you're already aware. A few glasses of my favourite Sauvigon Blanc can make me feel wonderful. I feel I'm slowly slipping into a bath of warm water that washes over me, causing sounds to become quieter, further away and less harsh. My feelings towards the world around me and the people in it become warmer, softer somehow and I'm much more at ease when it comes to chatting to new people. I'm filled with a new sense of confidence and purpose: 'of course I can talk to these new people' 'of course I'm going to hit the dance floor' 'tomorrow I'm going to start writing that book/apply for that job/phone that old friend.' I come home at the end of a wine-fuelled evening feeling happy and satisfied and slip into a deep, blissful sleep.

Then it really kicks off. At approximately 4 am I awaken, I feel restless, my heart is beating more quickly, I can't seem to get a satisfying breath and I certainly can't get back to sleep. What's gone wrong? Where's the confident, 'can do' girl from yesterday evening? I realise that she's gone and won't be back until next weekend. I will have to battle with these intense feelings of anxiety for possibly the next couple of days*, I'll recover of course and will be feeling quite alright again by next weekend when I'll start the cycle all over again...

Well not this weekend, my friends! After a slightly daunting social scenario last weekend, involving lots of 'dutch courage' in the form of red wine, I have suffered hideously with anxiety for a few days and this has inspired my first anxiety-busting experiment of this blog. Tonight I will be attending a birthday meal and drinks session with a group of people I don't know all too well and tomorrow I will be visiting an old friend for the night. Both are scenarios where I would usually certainly be considering having some wines. However, I will try my best not to give in, to stick to the orange juice and see if my anxiety improves after a break from the hard stuff. Wish me luck!


*If you'd like to read a little more on the actual scientific side of why alcohol can ultimately do the opposite of relaxing you then I highly recommend 'Overcoming Anxiety' which is available on Amazon. In fact I'd recommend it anyway as it gives a great insight into why our bodies are putting us through so much!

Where it all started

I've always been a worrier. When I was just a little girl of seven or eight my mother told me never to swallow nail varnish or nail varnish remover as it could cause me to become extremely poorly, so when I was painting my nails and a little bit of varnish splashed onto my bottom lip, I ran downstairs and told my mum to take me to hospital as I was about to become gravely ill. When I stayed at my dad's house at the weekends I would ask him to stay with me until I was asleep, just in case something happened in my unfamiliar room and I needed him. When I watched my older brother suffer with serious salmonella in hospital, I suspected my own stomach bugs were just as serious for years afterwards. Hives popped up all over my body when I started university, I treated every rash, lump or bump with suspicion and am all too familiar with the horrible suffocating feeling panic attacks can bring. Any signs of illness, any cross words spoken to or around me and any significant life changes would result in tears, sleepless nights and stomach upsets. I sound like a right barrel of laughs, don't I? Well actually I am (or at least I can be)! I have a wonderful family, fantastic friends and a  lovely boyfriend as well as a career I enjoy and lots of hobbies. But unfortunately I'm plagued by feelings of anxiety, as I have been on and off throughout my life. It doesn’t seem to matter if I’m at home, at work or out with friends, at any time those pesky anxiety symptoms could strike. For me they include: feeling like I can’t breathe, feeling as though I cannot get a satisfying breath, feeling as though I can’t swallow, feelings of fear and dread, dizziness, palpitations, hives, sweating, feeling sick, having an upset stomach and an inability to focus on anything other than how I’m feeling. Does any of this sound familiar to you? If your answer is yes then I’m sure, like me, you have tried to make yourself feel better and even attempted to rid yourself of anxiety for good. There are dozens of websites, books and therapists out there offering advice and it can be overwhelming knowing where to start. Anxiety (and the low mood that often comes with it) can also be a very difficult thing to talk about which can make seeking help seem an impossible task.

I’ve tried in-person CBT, guided self-help using CBT methods, I’ve read self-help guides from CBT, Human Givens and NLP perspectives and I’ve even tried meditation. However, I’m still not free from generalised anxiety, panic and health anxiety and I know there are many people out there who are the same. That’s why I’ve decided to start The Anxiety Project. I’m going to keep researching and trying different methods to beat my anxiety disorders and report back on here my findings in the hope that I might be able to help others while helping myself.